One man shared how being with his mother, holding her hand as she passed from this life to the next, turned his heart anew to the Heavenly Father as he grieved his loss. His emotional testimony charged another man in the group to clear his schedule, travel to where his father was under hospice care and spend time with him through his last days.

Grief is arguably the toughest emotion for man to process. Not only does it bring the most raw of emotions to the surface, the emotions keep resurfacing long after you think they have been processed. The eight stages of grief – denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance, guilt, shock and loneliness are progressive but any stage can rear its head at any given time.

“Lord,” Martha said to Jesus, “if You had been here, my brother would not have died. But I know that even now God will give You whatever you ask.” Jesus said to her, “Your brother will rise again.” Martha answered, “I know he will rise again in the resurrection at the last day.” Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in Me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in Me will never die. Do you believe this?” “Yes, Lord,” she replied, “I believe that You are the Messiah, the Son of God, Who is to come into the world.” … When Mary reached the place where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet and said, “Lord, if You had been here, my brother would not have died.” When Jesus saw her weeping, …, He was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. “Where have you laid him?” He asked. “Come and see, Lord,” they replied. Jesus wept.” – John 11:21-27, 32-36. Jesus allowed Himself to grieve, He wept. He grieved with Martha and Mary in the loss of His friend. Both sisters said, “if You had been here, my brother would not have died.” They had probably moved through the ‘denial’ stage of grieving as Lazarus had been in the tomb for four days. While they were not angry at Jesus, it seems there was some ‘anger’ percolating up in that they had lost their brother, the bread-winner of the family. They were moving into the ‘depression’ and ‘acceptance’ stages of grief when Jesus arrived. Then, Jesus called for Lazarus to walk out of the tomb, “for God’s glory so that God’s Son may be glorified through it.”- John 11:4. Jesus had provided an eternal perspective for His disciples prior to leaving for Bethany, and He did the same for Martha when He arrived in Bethany. But no one was prepared for the miracle that would ensue. Jesus met the sisters in their grief, grieved with them and then opened the tomb to glorify the Father. Hearts turn anew to the Father when one grieves well and grieves with others.

Tips to Grieve Well:

• Allow yourself to grieve; be willing and able to grieve with others;
• Read John, chapter 11, for the eternal perspective Jesus conveys;
• Be patient with yourself and others as all work through the stages of grief;
• Pray for the valley and duration of each stage to glorify the Father.

Prayer guide: Thank You Lord for Your word and the perspective it offers. I confess that I closed the door to grieving the loss of my dad, failed to open myself up to grieve with others and set a poor example of processing emotions for my kids. Forgive me. I want to live life with a healthy perspective on all the emotions experienced in this life, including grief in the midst of loss. Grant me vulnerability to grieve well, grieve with others and glorify You on the journey. That is the dad You call me to be, and that’s the dad my kids need to see. Amen.

A faithful father grieves well, grieves with others and glorifies the Father.