How do you ensure that quality time results when you commit time with your son? You don’t! Dad’s job is to do his best to commit quantity time to the relationship. You can show interest in what he is interested in or sign up as an assistant coach for his team to provide quantity time, but the child always determines the quality of the time.
One dad, supporting his son’s passion for baseball, would spend hours driving him to tournaments around the state. Most of the time there would be little to no conversation because they were guys. Then, on a trip across town to a game, the son started talking about his day and some frustrations he was facing. The investment of quantity time opened the door for quality time.
And a Voice from Heaven said, “This is My Son, whom I love; with Him I am well pleased.” – Matthew 3:17. Most men have never heard these words from their earthly father. Thus, it is not a natural impulse to extend such a blessing to a son. But it is a spiritual responsibility for dads to invest time in the relationship and do so. As Robert Lewis says in his book, Raising a Modern Day Knight, every son wants to hear who he belongs to, that he is loved and that he has what it takes to be a man. The first step is for every man to embrace the Heavenly Father’s blessing over His Son in Matthew 3:17 and again in 17:5, at the transfiguration. Prayerfully read those passages and accept the Father’s blessing in the spirit of Sonship (Romans 8:15). As a child of God, an heir of God and co-heir with Jesus the Christ, the Father’s blessing identifies you as a son of His. Once you are blessed as a son, you are ready to bless as a father. It is important to note that the Father’s blessing over His Son was not a ‘fix’ for their relationship. It complemented the quantity time the Father gave His Son. The first blessing affirmed Jesus publicly as He started His ministry. The second blessing empowered Him strategically for the final days of His ministry. Similarly, fathers should affirm a son with a blessing as he enters the teen years and empower him with a blessing as he matures to manhood. Jesus and His Father were One (John 14:9-11), but there was still the need for affirmation and empowerment from the Father at key junctures of Jesus’ ministry. As earthly fathers, the charge is to invest quantity time and mature in relationship with our sons as they mature, affirming and empowering them at key junctures of their lives.
Tips to enable a strong Father–Son relationship:
- Exhibit your relationship with Christ in marriage every day;
- Read Raising a Modern Day Knight, by Robert Lewis;
- Schedule routine one-on-one time - having a catch or getting a hamburger;
- Teach your son how to drive;
- Partner with Faithful Fathering to coordinate a father-son weekend with your church;
- Commit to extended one-on-one time, a father-son backpacking trip in Colorado;
- Bless your son at key junctures of life – Seasons of Fathering.
Prayer guide: Lord, thank You for being my Father and blessing me as a son. I confess my investment of time has been more on me and my work. Forgive me. I want to mature in relationship with my son as he matures. Grant me strength to prioritize time with him, bless him and ensure he knows who he is, Whose he is, and has what it takes to be a man. That is the dad You call me to be and that’s the dad my son needs to see. Amen.
A faithful father invests quantity time in the father-son relationship.
