The speaker at a recent men’s breakfast said that when he got married, he meant the words, “I do,” more than anything he had ever said. He was committed to the marriage and thought that commitment would convey his love for his bride. But looking back, he did not have a clue how to love.
Men can do commitment but learning to love is a life-long journey. Paul said, “if anyone does not provide for his own, especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” (1Tim.5:8). Many men respond to this passage by committing to work hard and provide financially. While such action may be done out of love, it is not love.
For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. – John 3:16. This is a love we can accept but cannot truly comprehend. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the Church and gave Himself up for her, – Ephesians 5:25. This is the selfless, sacrificial love that we know Jesus lived all the way to the cross. And this is the love we are charged to emulate in the marriage relationship. How is a regular guy supposed to love like that? Paul, in his letter to the Corinthians provides insight and guardrails for the life-long journey of learning how to love – Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. (1Cor.13:4-8). Love is a verb - It is a choice, it is a decision and it is certainly a commitment. It is also a message to kids that are watching. The marriage relationship is by design a reflection of our relationship with Christ in this world. As kids witness the day-to-day interaction of man and woman, husband and wife, dad and mom they are receiving an education in healthy relationships in this world and in a loving faith relationship with Jesus the Christ.
Learning to love is a process of maturing in relationship with Jesus the Christ and with the bride He blessed you with. It is a life-long journey with a guarantee - You will love your bride more your 5th, 25th and 50th anniversaries than you did the day you married her. God will bless you a glimpse of His glory as you learn to love. Here are some tips for your journey:
Prayer guide: Father, thank You for Your Word and Your example of love. I confess my focus early in marriage was more on provision than relationship. I have fallen short of your charge to love my bride as You love Your Church. Forgive me. Grant me courage to love as You love, in a selfless, sacrificial way. I want our marriage relationship to reflect our relationship with You in such a beautiful way that our kids catch what we have. That is the dad You call me to be and that’s the dad my kids need to see. Amen.
A faithful father learns to love as Christ loves.
