Engaging with Teenagers

Engaging with Teenagers

The Coach Season of fathering, roughly the second ten years of a child’s life including the teen years, can be challenging. This is largely because dad and mom do not have as much control over influences outside the home as they did the first ten years. All outside influences are not bad but there are bad influences out there that distract kids.

When you see short directives that used to get obedient responses start to get push back and even disobedience, you know you are in the transition between the Teacher and Coach season of fathering. The charge to dads is to stay engaged because the kids want you to, regardless of what they may say in an emotional outburst.

“These things I have spoken to you while I am still with you. But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you.” – John 14:25-26. Jesus knew that all He had taught the disciples over their time together would equip them to do well when He was no longer with them. But He also knew there would be outside influences along with their own human nature that would impede the ability to live into the teaching provided. Thus, the Father sent the Counselor to stay engaged with the disciples, to coach them through the valleys they would face. The Holy Spirit’s engagement helped them navigate the valleys and gain the strength needed to continue the ministry of Jesus. Similarly, dads and moms have to be confident that they have invested well to instill family values and faith during the early years of the kids’ lives. Yet it is important to stay engaged in order to know when a kid is in a valley. The goal is not to eliminate the valley but to provide the coaching needed to help them navigate the valley well and be strengthened by the journey. Distractions abound today, as they did in the disciples’ day. But a good Coach will empower kids to own their faith and make wise choices amid conflicting influences. In an extreme case, if the valley is addiction or is life threatening, the coach can always step in to call a time-out and change the play/environment as needed. Stay engaged without being overly intrusive.

Tips to Engage with Teenagers:

• Eat dinner together as a family five times a week;
• Get interested in what your teenager is interested in;
• Calendar regular date-nights with your daughter or outings with your son;
• Teach your child how to drive;
• Read Seasons of Fathering;
• Volunteer as a chaperone for the youth group or a school outing;
• Make sure the home is a safe-place for edgy discussions;
• Schedule ‘marker’ retreats, trips or adventures – extended one-on-one time.

Prayer guide: Thank You Lord for Your word. I confess I have been passive toward outside influences that have conflicted with our faith and family values. Forgive me. I want to be a good coach and help my teenager navigate well around cultural issues. Grant me strength and discernment to engage effectively without being overly intrusive. Help my bride and I ensure that our home is seen as a safe-place to discuss edgy topics. That is the dad You call me to be and that is the dad my kids need to see. Amen.

A faithful father is a good coach and stays engaged.